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So I read Twilight.   A mormon mom writes a novel about your ‘culture’ that becomes this world-wide teen phenomenon, and suddenly everyone is all vampire-centric again and moping over the kid that died in Harry Potter (am I the only one amused at him having therefore been raised from the dead, so to speak?).   This happens every time there’s some new revival of the – well, let’s call it a myth – and sure, curiosity gets you.   If someone is presuming to know enough about your race and lifestyle to write obsessive, fat, popular fiction about it, you check it out.

Plus it’s part of the persona, of course.   Everyone at school has been reading the series and watching the movie and dying for the new trailer.   It’s about the only type of dying that seems to be actually associated with Twilight – the stupid metaphor kind.   But I look like a teen, so I need to behave like one.   Otherwise things get kind of complicated.   And messy.

Look, I was all ready to get into this blogging thing tonight, but I’ve got to be honest.   Twilight just makes me hungry – all that non-action and looking longingly across the lunch room (and I’m sure I’m not the only one who thought the unintended significance of that was bloody funny.)   And if I was hungry for that washed-out chick or drooling for the Pattinson guy, it wouldn’t be a sweet, sighing, new mooning kind of way.   Oh, no.   Fuck the metaphors.   I’m going out for a bite.   See you soon.





  1. come to think of it…i kinda does make you hungry…dang it, now i’m hungry…fridge too far…human too far…meh screw it, i have a bite another day

    • I make it a general rule never to play with my food.
      Lucky, eh?

  2. A friend pointed me to your post, and I felt compelled to comment. I could not agree more. I did a post comparing Twilight and “Real” vampires that was pretty funny just yesterday. I’ve written a few vampire novels myself, and I have to say, if vamps had always been the way they are in Twilight, I’d never have been interested in the first place.

    10 Thoughts on Real Vampires vs. Twilight Vampires

    • Compelled to comment, or compelled to self-advertise? Modesty is so overrated, don’t you think…?

  3. wow, did you nail the proverbial Stake in the head or what? ‘Bout time the “glittering” stopped and the real madness began.


    Greetings from Lady Adellandra, writer and fellow Nocturne. Perhaps we can speak sometime? Until then, Pleasant Screams!

  4. Haha! This is wicked. I’ve rarely read a blog with such an authentic voice. It actually makes me slightly worried. Ominously threatening but at the same time entertaining. You’ve got that whole ‘American Psycho’ charm – dapper, yet murderous.
    I especially liked the “longingly across the lunch room (and I’m sure I’m not the only one who thought the unintended significance of that was bloody funny.)”
    Just out of interest, what is your stance on the whole vampires vs. werewolves thing? Forgive me if it’s already been addressed in a post.

    • ‘Slightly worried’ will do. For now.

      I’ve never seen a were-anything. They’re all fucking fiction if you ask me.

      You shouldn’t believe everything you read, you know…

        • S. Winter
        • Posted April 10, 2010 at 11:55 pm
        • Permalink

        Well that’s good to clear up, one less monster I’ll have to fight off.

        But what about this: Does the existence of vampires prove or disprove the existence of god? In almost all religions human beings are the highest form of creation except perhaps for angels. If vampires exist I’m sure you would agree that they are in fact much higher than humans, and capable in their own right of dishing out a divine retribution of sorts. As well as this, religions often seems founded in an inherent fear of death and I would imagine that isn’t such a concern for you. Do you believe in god?

        And it’s the exact opposite actually, I don’t believe anything I read, and that, I fear, is much worse.

      • You should probably read on…

  5. i agree it bothers me that the oe thing that kicked off the vampire frenzy is the most insulting thing to Vampires

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