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The Cat and me, in the middle of the street in the middle of the night.   I’m standing there in the moonlight, just looking at the little bastard, and the Cat works its shoulders up and down a bit and flexes its claws comfortably, and then sits neatly upright, and curls its tail tidily around its feet.   And looks back.

Now, I know that some woman in a car just ran the Cat over.   I mean – totally ran it over.   I heard the sound.   Bone-crunching, back-breaking, it’s-all-over sound.   Feline fatality sound.   I know that’s what happened.

And the Cat knows I know.   So it sits patiently and waits.   Looking bedraggled and unkempt.   As usual.   And absolutely uninjured.


And then a little movie starts playing in my head.   Student short film kind-of-thing – disjointed, but effective.   It went like this.


Establishing shot – honored houseguest Py closing door (slightly contemptuously) on snoring homeowner Jonathon, who is sleeping off the party-weekend excesses from the night before.  

Cut to Cat, snarling at perceived intruder from under the dresser.  

Wide shot – Py snorts at pathetic beastie, and bends down to pick it up by the scruff of the neck to toss out the door or throw out the window, depending on his mood.

Close-up on Cat (naturally) with flailing claws and bared teeth.

Cut to close up of pale, outstretched hand of Py.

Cut to Cat sinking teeth viciously and pleasurably into wrist.

Quick violent montage – Py swearing, seizing Cat, wringing its neck so forcibly and bloodily it’s pretty much a beheading, and throwing it outside as planned.   And then curling his lip, and very slowly and coldly, licking his own wound.

Cut to Py later, typing pious lecture to leave for still unconscious Jonathon.   And still glaring at the teeth marks on his hand.

Close-up on postscript: “I killed your cat”.


But then there’s my postscript.   See – Py would have said it was a precautionary measure.   Because of the bite, you see.   But I know the Cat must have actually pissed him off, because he fucked up.   Are you hearing this?   Py fucked up.   There he was, going on at me about getting sloppy with kills, and he can’t even dispose of a Cat properly?   The Cat got him angry, and he didn’t do it properly.   Oh man, that long scar around the Cat’s neck – hell, Py didn’t even sever the head cleanly.   Well – obviously he didn’t.   And so the bite…

The bite.


Holy shit.

The Cat has waited until I caught up.   And when I had, it flicked its tail a bit and went back inside.   And this time I was the slow one following behind.




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