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It’s been a trying few weeks.

I’m so fucking over melodrama and mayhem and relentless bloody mind-fucks.   I maintain, “It’s complicated” are the most terrifying words in the whole fucked-up universe.   Come on – who’s with me?

But if there’s one thing you learn from longevity, there is actually no such thing as the simple solution.   To anything.   Get rich quick, immediate marital bliss, weight loss in an instant, everything under the one roof – all marketing crap that can’t be maintained in any way in the real world that exists outside of late-night television commercials.   The only really simple things in life are instant noodles, velcro and Mitch the fish boy.   Seriously.

I reckon Newton had it down, boys and girls – it’s always complicated.   For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.   The quick fix does not exist,  because your course of action never just stops there.   It triggers something new.   It comes back to bite you on the ass.

So recently closing a chapter in my – well, let’s call it ‘life’, for the sake of ease – is hardly likely to be conclusive.   Amelia has been the epitome of complication throughout my existence – I think it implausible she’s going to suddenly stop being difficult just because I killed her.   I think there will be implications.   Or ramifications.

Who am I kidding?   There’ll be complications.

But fuck all that for now.   Worry about shit like that when it does finally arrive.

On the upside, we’re having a substitute teacher for maths this week, which means high jinks and high stakes on how long she’ll last before the inevitable nervous breakdown.   There’s a kickass party planned for next Saturday at this rich kid’s house – she made the mistake of mentioning her parents were going to be away, and that was taken as an immediate whole school free-for-all invitation.   She’s going to get grounded for ever – it’s going to be a fucking blast.   And the Cat is unusually and graciously acknowledging my presence in its house tonight, and has just sprung up on the table to add some commentary.


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omptea b,mwef        H8O2,O;fae 

tx          XJF/3E5AYqz

  dgzj’ipshrtZ                                   b;  L4u6w’      -0


The Cat has spoken.   What more can I say?





  1. Author : Jess
    Comment: Do you enjoy teasing us? First, you tell us you killed Amelia in the last sentence of your previous blog. Then you make us wait for a few days for a blog that should contain what went down, but doesn’t. Even if you just tell us that you met her, decapitated her like she decapitated the her minion and then went home to your cat;that would be enough! I guess the only thing I wanted to know, is how did you kill her?

    Author: Jonathon8

    Reply: Do I enjoy teasing you?

    Is that a trick question?

    Seriously now, friend – three noteworthy points:
    a) not entirely eager about offering a how-to guide for vampire homicide. Strange instinct for self-preservation has kicked in there…
    b) how chatty are you after killing someone you know?
    c) plus, I’m a sadistic narrator, Are you surprised?

    Still, patience is a virtue apparently and good things come to those who wait. As this involves being virtuous and good however, I wouldn’t know myself, mind you…

    • Oh, fuck it. Just accidently deleted your original comment, Jess, and can’t fucking work out how to recover it.


      Now I suppose I owe you and will have to actually honour your request for the Amelia story sometime. Maybe.

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