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Vampires sure as hell don’t sparkle in the fucking sunlight, but last week and right at that moment, Py’s eyes had a hell of a terrible – shit – what’s the scary-as-fuck word for ‘twinkle’?


“Listen up, champ…”

His voice is cool and smooth again: the rippling discord of latent anger almost under control this time.

“You – you cause me constant trouble, Johnny boy.   Constant trouble.   It’s been decades, and you still get in the way of my business, you get in the way of my pleasure – you get in the way of my kills.”

Something that might be guilt or might be satisfaction stirs around in me a little bit.

“So why don’t you go eat your business elsewhere, and leave me the fuck alone, dude?   I didn’t fucking ask you to come back.   And bullshit about all that, anyway – you caused me enough trouble last time you were here.   Live lunchmeat left upstairs, police at my door – the fucking Cat was your fault…”


I didn’t mean it.   (I don’t think.)   I reckon it was a kind of parody of smart-ass retorts – I listened to myself baiting the scariest sonovabitch I know, and almost laughed again at the bloody absurdity of it.   What the fuck was I doing?   I was…   I was…?  

Hell.   I was looking for a bite.

“So – yeah.   I can do whatever I want, man.   Why do you even give a shit what I do, anyway?”


This was it.   The real question.


And then – holy shit.   He fucking answers it.

“Eternity is a long time.”

(Er, yeah.   So?)


“And at this stage – it looks more interesting with you in it.”

(Did he just…?)


“Keep up, Johnny.   Are you even listening?   One-time chance.   I’m being your ally, boy – I’m offering to watch your back.   Are you hearing me?”

(Watch my…?)   Gotta ask:



And his answer is cold and simple.

“Because Amelia will be coming for us both now…”


I process this.   (Py came back because…?)   My mouth keeps functioning in my absence.

“Still think she’s dead, man.”


Py replied calmly:

“That’s because you’re an idiot.   And keeping pets, and having ‘friends‘, and letting stupid children know you better than they ought – and writing about it – is part of that.   You’re an idiot, boy.   Amusing, but a complete little idiot nonetheless.   And if you want to go on being amusing, my friend – there will be changes to make.”


*          *          *          *


We negotiated the issues for some time.   I made some concessions.   He made some phonecalls.   But I held out on a couple of key things.


“The cat goes.”

“The Cat stays.”

“It’s an aberration.”

“It’s awesome.”


Get this.   He let it go.


“The blog is over.”

“How the fuck are you going to keep tabs on me without it, dude?   Think of it as your own personal Jonathon-watch.   Means you don’t have to stick around…”

There was silence.



“I see.   Be cautious…”

“Totally, man.”

“I’m not the only one reading…”

“I get it, dude…”


He got up to go.

“If Amelia is still…”

“Py – fuck.   I know.”


He pauses – one foot over the doorstep, one hand on the door handle.

“Oh – and Johnny boy?”

Oh fuck.   This is it.   Knew it was too fucking good to last…

“Just make sure you spell my name right.”

The door closes behind him.





  1. Scary word for twinkle?… Gleam?

  2. Or- possibly- glinted?

    Interesting, Intriguing, story.
    I believe there are a lot more people than you know reading your blogs

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