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In case you didn’t guess (in which case you’re a dickhead), my recent moving day and change of locale was the upshot of negotiations with Py.   Look – it was about time for a fucking change.   And circumstances were getting bloody pressing.

I’m humoring Py (yeah, man – I know you’re probably reading this, but I’ll fucking say it anyway).   Py reckons our old – ‘friend’ – Amelia might continue her habit of refusing to believe in death, and therefore want to come over for a chat after my recent efforts to introduce her to it.  

Jonathon8 reckons he’s a paranoid idiot.   But here I am – new place, new setting, new start.  

And yeah, sure – Amelia had been known to read this blog, so stop asking where I’ve moved to, people.   Py might be delusional (no offence, dude), and I don’t give a shit about you lot, but hey – do I look like I have a death wish?


Moving was a quick fix anyway.   It’s been long enough since the ‘mysterious’ demise of my neighbours not to look suspicious.   It means if Amelia is (by some random act of improbability) doing her best horror-movie-serial-killer-who-will-not-stay-dead impersonation, I’m not an easy find.   My best friend Kane had his own shit going on – and Carly…   Well.   It was safer all round to leave them to it.   It was a bit shitty just to go without saying anything to him – but you get pretty fucking over proper ‘goodbyes’ after a while of doing this, I can tell you.

Jenna was the main point of contention with Py, though.   Even if first instinct for both of us was the simplest and bloodiest one.   The kid who knows too much meets with an untimely end.   But Py eventually came around to my more considered second opinion.   Like the neighbours, she was too close to home – yet another obvious death in my vicinity involving someone else I knew was going to create some awkward attention.  

It would have been different if she’d been an adult, mind you…

See – here’s some interesting trivia about that, which is very useful for my kind, actually.   This it is.   Humanity is pretty much suspicious and self-serving at core.   Yeah – talking about you, here.   Someone you think you love goes missing, and after a couple of days you’re frantic – then a couple of weeks, you’re doubtful – then a couple of months, and chances are you’ve convinced yourself the bastard ran out/ran away/ran free.   Partners and families suddenly remember mysterious phone calls, previous liasons, dubious conversations about money – whatever.   Pretty soon they start inventing a nice little story – clearly he/she had a lover/financial troubles/commitment issues/a secret life/addictions to fuel…   Blah blah.  

I know in movies and stuff, people are always “holding out hope” for missing people years later, but here’s the reality, my friends – it’s easier for you to believe the person was bad than to really believe in bad things like me out there.   Cold cases stay cold because people invent their own ‘realistic’ endings.   It’s great – makes our occupational hazards so much less troublesome…


Except with kids.   That’s why we don’t go for them much.   Missing kids – they get their own immortality, you see.   That kind of shit hangs around forever.


So I could have taken Jenna out to dinner and not brought her home in time for curfew – but it would have come back to bite me.   Metaphorically.   So – forget it.

Plus – crazily – she was right.   Well, about me of course, but also about her.   She’s only a kid.   No-one would ever believe her even if she did tell Jonathon’s remarkable little secret – right now it would just sound like some quixotic Twilight-fuelled fantasy.   Particularly if the young man in question is no longer available for comment.

So the kid gets to keep breathing for now, and the useful thing is that, since I’m no longer associated with her, I could always drop in for a visit sometime and go back to Plan A…


Meanwhile, there’s a whole new city here to explore.

You know what?   You might actually like to stay indoors for the next few hours – if you don’t have a death wish either, that is.   I’m just saying…





  1. OMG… Why can i not stop reading this stuff??

  2. Awesome that you got a new flat that fast…

    • Hell, yes. Py made a phone call – the dude has many talents. Mind you, it’s not like the kind of places I’ve seen _him_ stay in – but hey. I’ll take it…

  3. Because it is awesome?…

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