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I’m still on my recent tv and dvd stint Vampire Diaries, more Buffy, plus Dusk Till Dawn and I Am Legend recently.   (Don’t get me started on Twilight, and New Moon trailers.   Or the recent last episode of True Blood – meh. Bring back the actual vampires…)  

Can I just say though? – I find it fucking hilarious how fiction loves making up words for things they think we’re into or we know about.

I’ve started a little collection of my favourite fictional wank words that have been assigned to the vampiric vernacular.   Check it out:

 

Master/Maker/Creator/Sire/Mentor – What the fuck?!   I am not someone’s puppet, Frankenstein’s monster, the result of a breeding program, or a troubled youth (well – I am that, but that’s another story…)   Becoming what I am is something I do – there just happened to be one before me who passed on the bloodline, right?   You can’t map any kind of pseudo-religious/familial/educational relationships onto that shit.   It’s too arbitrary, and too complicated, and well – too fucking inhuman really.   And frankly, we don’t need a ‘word’ for them.   They just have their own names, and like me, they just are what they are.   And they did what they did…

‘Turning’ – What, in a circle?   It sounds like we’re doing fucking pirouettes, or we’re a sock that’s inside out.   I guess the implication is that we’re turning from something into something, but that makes it sound like a Harry Potter spell, or a Kafka incarnation, or the Incredible Hulk…   And I don’t switch it on and off – it happened just the once, and what more do you need?   It wasn’t a big ritual or celebration; there were no fireworks or montages or doting [insert random term from the entry above] filming it for posterity…   And speaking of which…

Awakening/Rebirth – How bloody sentimental and sickly is that?   Let me tell you, the experience isn’t anything like either of those words.   In fact, there is no fucking word for it – of course there isn’t.   That’s the fucking point.   Who cares?   You are one thing and then you  are another.   The interest is in what you are now and what that’s going to mean, not how you got there.   Come on.   It’s only you and yours who like getting descriptive over feelings and emotions and all that shit…   Whereas us…

Sanguinarian/Revenant/Vampyre… – So the original word and spelling  isn’t good enough?   Sheesh…   Look, I’m not into euphemisms or bowdlerising.   I’m a simple creature – say it with me. Vampire.   Not…

Bloodsucker – Yeah, that sounds classy.   Thanks.   Leeches and mosquitoes – nice imagery.   I’ll take a straw next time I go out to eat, shall I?   Whereupon…

Bloodbags – That’s apparently you.   Also charming, hey?   Now I’ll sing the fucking praises of snaplock bags everyday (and when considering my use for them, this name is perfectly apt), but even I suspect you might be a little bit more interesting than those – if for no other reason than you can run faster and scream louder, which makes the chase more fun.   Then there’s…

Emotional/Psychic/Energy vampires – Uh huh.   Only histrionic, self-absorbed humans could possibly come up with these kinds of creatures, as opposed to taking responsibility for and control over their own messed-up feelings and body functions… Please.   And finally…

Imprintees – Fucked if I know.   Seriously.

 

Point is – sure, I have plenty of fucking respect for language, and the power of the word, boys and girls.   But you’re going to look in vain for lame-ass ‘local’ words to paste onto my experiences and relationships and activities.   These things aren’t stuff my lot talk about – we just fucking do it.  

Actions speak louder, and words in these cases are just the things you people use to pretend with when you want to play at being me, and plead with when you want me to stop playing with you.

Speaking of which…  

 

Anyone want to play?  

I’ll even give you a headstart…   Ready?

 

Go.

 

NEXT ENTRY…

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5 Comments

  1. I like the way u think and ur sense of things .U cant’ really change a vampire back into a human unless u kill the head vampire yah know!

    • Thanks…

      While we’re at it though – you can’t fucking ‘change back’ (and who the hell would want to?) and there is no ‘head vampire’…

      Just so yah know…

  2. Have you read Maryjanice Davidson’s ‘Undead’ series? I’d rather enjoy hearing what you think of those.

  3. Hmm, have writers been using the misusing word ‘revenant’ and applying it to vampires? Weird, as I’m pretty sure that ‘vampire’ and ‘reanimated corpse intent on revenge’ aren’t the same thing.


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