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It’s been a fortnight since I arrived, and right now I’m contemplating another week of the joys of high school.

Funnily enough – this time around, and for the first time in a long time – I’m fucking enjoying it.

Weird, eh?   For starters, I think with all the other shit that had been going down lately, the minor irritations of an approved education system were a surprisingly soothing alternative.   Plus, this school is messed-up as hell already, so it all just suits me nicely – I can simmer away at a nice level of of unruly disruption and acts of semi-violent destruction.   Fun, without really having to stretch myself unless I want to.   And so far, the school is taking little Jonathon8 warmly to its heart.  

The school consellor thinks the stress of moving so abruptly to a new place for ambiguous reasons, and being left to fend for myself because my useless alcoholic uncle has suddenly shacked up with some little tramp downtown (you see, I was going to ‘bring’ my fictional guardian Uncle Eddie with me, but he was going to cramp my style in the new apartment – too many neighbours to notice when he didn’t ever arrive or leave…) is resulting in me expressing myself in unsocial and attention-seeking ways.   That’s exactly how this dude put it, too.   And it took that long to say as well.   And he was trying so hard, I didn’t have the heart to disillusion him…  

Actually – that’s not true.   This Mr Crawley is so sympathetic and interested in me that I’m just enjoying fucking around with him.

On the other hand, Mrs Keech the principal has plenty of real ‘troubled’ cases to deal with, and totally suspects I’m playing her.   Which I respect.   Go the grim handsome lady who is determinedly channeling military-style disciplinarians, and sees straight through my bullshit.   It won’t stop me of course, but at least I’ll bother to think of creative excuses and witty repartee to amuse her with when I’m sent to her office to be told off and punished in efficient and unintentionally amusing ways.

Among the students though, Johnny boy is becoming a bit of an unexpected icon.   He’s getting fucking lame love letters pushed in his locker and left in the private messages of the school forum, lots of cliques making overtures of inclusion, a host of individuals looking to be besties (yeah, right…), and an impressive kick-ass reputation.   People make way for him in the halls.   How bloody mad is it that people love the bad boy image?   What is with that?   It’s such posturing bullshit, and by definition, a rebel with or without a cause is not looking for either jolly companionship, a gang of minions, or universal fandom.   You can’t rebel against stuff if everyone wants to be on your side.   You can’t be bad if everyone is liking what you do.   Theoretically, the job is meant to consist of being a loner who hates the world and knows the world hates him.   Unfortunately the world rarely chooses to be obliging in this regard.   Jonathon is being a moody, stand-offish, sardonic little shit – and people are fucking loving it.   Go figure.

Honestly – high school is the fakest, stupidest, most unhealthy kind of social community in existence, I think.   Let me tell you this, boys and girls – in contrast, surviving it is one of the bravest, cleverest, most fucking remarkable things you’ll ever do.   It’s a bloody trial by educational fire.   Lump together a huge number of angry, insecure, lusty, uncontrolled humans into a single institution, and let the blood sports begin.

And hell, yes – that’s just why I’m rediscovering what there is to like about it.  Once you get past the facade of routine and discipline, t’s such a macabre playground of emotional turmoil, just waiting for me to initiate, and incite, and ingratiate myself.   All that theatre of unpredictable, unbound, unending human feeling that I love so much, and empathise with so little – it’s always such fucking awesome entertainment.   And here, and at this kind of school, and particularly with teenagers – now I’m playing the bad boy again – I’m remembering how raw and socially inept all those emotions are for kids ‘my’ age.   They haven’t learnt to repress them, or deal with them, or put them into perspective, or think outside their own greedy little needs and desires.   Everything is a melodrama, everything is worth throwing fits of pubescent passion over.   It’s rich, vicious, unadulterated self-indulgence.

Gotta love it.   Welcome home, Jonathon.

 

NEXT ENTRY…

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2 Comments

  1. I’d be interested to see whether or not you keep your edge once you’re out of high school and alone in the world with but a suitcase.


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