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In history today, we were meant to be researching an historical figure who we admire.   I have a few, but I’m not sure any are ones I could have mentioned under the circumstances…

See – we’ve spawned some seriously famous people.   Here’s a short list to whet your appetite (or theirs), so to speak.   You won’t be surprised when you think about this:


Hamlet, Prince of Denmark   (Check out the play.  Shakespeare totally knew, and Horatio was totally in on it…)


Mona Lisa   (Tell me you don’t recognise that smile.   It’s undeniably the cat that just ate the canary…)


Edgar Allen Poe   (“Nevermore” my ass. And yeah – it was him toasting his own fucking grave for a while there…)


Jack the Ripper   (No-one ever caught him, because one of our own took him down in the end.   He was just getting too much publicity for our liking…)


Rasputin   (Well, duh.   Of course just stabbing, poisoning, shooting, beating and drowning him wasn’t going to ‘kill’ him…)


Marilyn Manson   (Um – yeah.   He was kinda my fault.   Sorry about that.)


Madonna   (Look – I have my suspicions, all right?   That woman seems to go on forever…)


NB. Vlad, Gilles and Erzsebet were seriously overrated (and I don’t give a shit if they happen to read this – they know it’s true…)   We do NOT acknowledge Rob Pattinson, the dude from Vampire Diaries, the cast of True Blood, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, Frank Langella or Bela Lugosi (alas).   We WISH we could acknowledge Kirsten Dunst, Selma Hayek, teen Keifer Sutherland, Chris Sarandon from Fright Night and Wesley Snipes (though we haven’t really forgiven him for that run of really shit action films).


We don’t want Tom Cruise.

You can have him.





  1. Dr. Phil?
    James Mason?
    Sean Connery?

    Come on!! At least Cher has to make the list!!!

    • Can’t claim Mason and Connery – they’re just well-preserved.
      And I did actually mention the other two. You see, Doctor Phil still has a flair for desperate housewives, young people with sob stories and showbiz, and Cher still bathes in blood.
      But like I say – seriously overrated…

      (Actually – last I heard too, poor old Vlad was living in a trailer park somewhere, picking off locals, starting alien abduction rumors, and watching too much daytime television. Sad, isn’t it?)

      • I believe we both forgot an icon: What about Chuck Norris??!

        The Chuck Norris facts website is a sufficient proof, even without your acknowledgement, but what baffles me is how you guys let him reach such popularity!

      • Bite your tongue, man. Chuck is in a fucking league of his own…

  2. Dick Cheney??

    • Jill Estabrooks
    • Posted September 27, 2009 at 2:12 am
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    Ha Ha … Marilyn Manson. I knew It. Though I think he should feed more. He looks ghastly. I don’t care, make-up just doesn’t cover it.

  3. I’d say we could claim Chuck Norris, but I’m pretty sure that I’d be wrong.

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