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“Who wants to live forever?”

 

(Singing that Queen song in your head now, aren’t you?)

 

It’s also something Harmony said to me when we met.

 

The answer of course, is “Most people”.

And tell you what – most of the time, I’m not complaining.   Living forever = mostly fucking brilliant.   But there are a few small drawbacks.   Immortality isn’t all hearts and happiness and gratuitous bloodshed, you know…

 

Calculating the Price of Immortality

PRO: All previous health problems – gone.   No more headaches, asthma, diseases, genetic flaws, or ingrown toenails.
CON: The diet can come with its own little difficulties in this regard…

PRO: You heal fast.
CON: You’re in a dangerous line of work.

PRO: You never get old.
CON: High school.

PRO: You never get shorter, fatter, greyer.
CON: You never get taller, thinner – or curlier.   You don’t age and it all heals, sure – but then nothing grows.   Are you getting this?   So you want to hope you were looking pretty bloody awesome when it happened, and you’ll want to think carefully about any changes that may occur afterwards.   See – you lose a fingernail, right, and it’s like losing a limb – it’ll heal over fucking beautifully, but nothing grows back.   (True Blood‘s ‘eternal virgin’? – no chance.)   Tattoos and piercings post-event aren’t worth the effort – any kind of foreign crap is designed to be expelled forthwith, so ink is gone in days, and holes are closed over in hours.   Plus, if you get a haircut, you’d better be fucking sure it’s what you want.    Why?   Because it’s going to be that short – forever.   (Interview With a Vampire movie and the fucking ‘instant regrowth’? – what the fuck?)

 

PRO: You live forever.
CON: Forever is a fucking long time.

 

NEXT ENTRY…

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26 Comments

  1. In Interview with the Vampire, it didn’t instantly regrow. It grew through the day, while you “slept”

    read the book, dammit. don’t go by the movies. the movies always suck

    • Read the book when it was the Twilight of its day. Never revisited. Point remains – any regrow is a no-go…

  2. that isn’t true. Gabrielle, Lestat’s mother, would cut her long blonde hair off every evening when she awoke. She dressed as a man, because that is what she preferred. When she went back to sleep before sunrise, be it in a coffin or a hole in the ground, her hair would grow back. She repeated the process every evening. The only time hair grew back instantaneously was in the movie, when Claudia cut off her hair in a fit of rage.

    • You’re not hearing me.

      Nothing regrows. At any speed. Dead things don’t, you know.

      I do love your objecting to me with a ‘true’ example from fiction though.

  3. I’m kind of not convinced here, but that would be because I don’t know how the healing process goes in your bodies.

    In the human body, healing is growing. The damaged cells are killed and new cells are grown and they eventually replace the dead ones.

    So if you lost a fingernail, do you take someone else’s and plug it in before your finger heals?!

    • Never tried it. Never lost one. Tempted to GO and lose one now, just so I can try it though…

      • A video recording would be awesome, should you really do it.

        Don’t worry, people would think it’s something Claire Bennet, from Heroes, did.

  4. yes, the examples come from fiction. I’m just telling you that your examples are wrong

  5. Delightful

    The hair regrowth overnight also happens with Zenobia in _Blood and Gold_ (Rice). Of course, in that same book Mael looses his head, gets it stuck on sideways, looses it again, and Marius rights it. He survives…Oh, that’s a likely occurrence.

    • LMAO, oh yeah! It happens all the time!

  6. I would think that disembodiment would take away any (non)life you may have, regardless of whether or not you could stick your head back on.

  7. Now, if you heal, then you also re-grow fingernails, for example. Red platelets, cells and all that stuff – unless there’s something you’re not telling us (le GASP!).

    Never lost a fingernail in “half a millennium”? Wow. Sheltered “life”?

  8. I’m fucking fascinated you people are so eager to map your expectations about ‘normal’ human biology onto us.

    Tell you what.

    I’ll tell it how it is, and you can make of it what you will.

    (I also seriously don’t get your apparent obsession with the condition of my hair and fingernails. Even I don’t worry about my looks that much, and I’m a peer-pressured high school student for fuck’s sake…
    The mental workings of you crazy little voyeurs is still a bloody mystery to me. Truly.)

  9. In that case, I’m sure stephenie meyer would insist a new nail would grow, it would sparkle in the sunlight and would never, ever even dream of scratching another human being.
    And what’s-her-name-author-of-true-blood would probably suggest many kinky stuff a vampire could do to/with a fangbanger (such a stupid term)with the new nail. Or the broken nail…. This woman is sick.
    But anyway, fiction is…fiction, people. It has so little to do with the vampire culture! And people tend to be gullible over anything it’s served to them. But now we’re at the vampire’s blog, so let’s listen to the vampire. Allright?

  10. I have no iddues with the vmapire himself, just that the examples he used of fiction were incorrect

    • Who freakin cares? It’s fiction!

  11. Well, if we actually accept that he’s been around for a long long time, maybe he’s the only one correct, and everything else is bullshit!
    No offence, just saying. I have no issues with vampire fiction myself. I actually believe twilight is a really good love story. 🙂

  12. I’m a bit anal about statements that are incorrect. Yes, he spoke of fiction in his example, but the example was incorrect. I was just correcting the mistake that was made. He’s a vampire, I’m sure he can handle some constructive criticism.

  13. He’s a vampire. He can bite you if he doesn’t like your constructive criticism….
    Okey, there’s democracy and freedom where I come from, so I believe you can say whatever you want. I do that too. It’s fucking fantastic.

  14. he hasn’t bitten me yet

  15. There’s a hole in the healing but no-grow claim. Healing = growth. Healing = new cells replacing or covering up necrotic or lost old ones.

    Unless…the healing is magic ju ju which keeps a vamp forever physically frozen in time.

    Hmm…

  16. Ok I’m a long way behind in the reading, I get the no growth part, only if you get a piercing and then the hole closes over in a matter of hours, then…even though it’s fiction, wouldn’t it be reasonable to think that claire from true blood would keep returning to a state of virginity…even though technically not…..Hmmmm ok, I know, it’s a redundant comment.

  17. Okay, I gotta bite on this one. Hair and nails continue to grow on corpses so why not vamps? Does something happen in the transformation process to shut that off? If so, what?

    • Urban myth. Skin recedes on dead bodies as it dessicates, so it looks like the hair and nails grow.

      • I checked, you’re right. Go figure. Thanks for clearing that up.

      • Never doubt me. Much.


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