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[Jonathon8’s favorite queries from unsuspecting Twitter and Facebook followers – for your (and his) amusement…]


Dear Jonathon,

Why do you curse so much?



Dear PG-Rated,

What the fuck do you mean?

Okay, look.   I like strong vigorous evocative language in all its fucking forms.  After a few centuries, you begin to appreciate all the bloody nuances.   I’ve come to enjoy the jarring aesthetic of the poetic & the fucking vulgar – verbal sugar & spice…   And so some people get it, and some people get ostracised by it.   But I’m sure as hell not apologising for it.   You start making language taboo, and that’s when you fucking give it power over you and over the bloody world.   Fuck that – I’m going to own it myself, not have some prissy little social fears let it own me.

So fuck off.


Regards, Jonathon8.


Dear Jonathon,

As a high school student, aren’t you too young to be reading overtly violent or sexual things I might say?



Dear R-Rated,

For starters, shame on you for saying overtly violent and sexual things (never catch me doing that…)   But props for your messed-up moral code in wanting to protect sweet innocent young minds from corruption.

Unfortunately you’re just a little bit fucking late with me.   Despite my current educational status and my boyish good looks, I’m actually just a smidge older than you think I am.   So bring it on – just hope you aren’t too young to be reading the overtly disturbing things I say.   Wouldn’t want to corrupt some sweet, innocent…

What the fuck am I saying?   Of course I would.   Then I’d eat you.

Sincerely, Jonathon8.


Dear Jonathon,

Your Twitter/Facebook name is WhoIsJonathon8.   So…. who is jonathon8?



Dear Un-rated,

You’re ‘following’ someone you don’t even know about?   Never thought to check out the blog or anything?   Figured it was far less trouble to actually compose and send a message to me to ask personally and make me reply – as opposed to just clicking the fucking link?   Haven’t really got the whole stalking aspect of social networking happening for you yet, huh?

Never mind.   I have.   And unlike you and PG-Rated and R-Rated, I read people’s bios, and check out their webpages, and find out all about them.   Their names, their backgrounds – where they live

See you soon.

Cheers, Jonathon8


Dear Jonathon,

Shut the freak up.



Dear Troll,

Hand me a freak, and I’d be happy to oblige.  

In fact – I’m just on my way out for a quick bite now.   What are you doing later today…?

Truly, Jonathon8





  1. First time reading Dear Jonathon “special Edition. Very entertaining. I read your entire blog before attempting to talk to you..

  2. Love it. You crack me up J. Is it bad I think those people are more fucked up than you? (actually R-Rated sounded just a bit creepy)

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