Skip navigation


T’was the night before Christmas and all through the flat,
Not a creature was stirring – not even the Cat.

The stockings weren’t hung because vampires don’t care,
Peace and goodwill are not hopes that we share.

But you, friends, are nestled all snug in your beds,
With nightmares of Jonathon loose in your heads.

Forget jolly holidays and all of that crap,
I hoped I’m the horror invading your nap.

Yet, while I sat there, lost in such musing,
There was an interruption, not of my choosing…

For out on my fire ‘scape came a faint noise,
Which sure as fuck wasn’t some old dude with toys.

Up to the window I crept, to the light
And peeked through the curtain out into the night.

The moon paled next to the the flashy light show,
From decorative Christmas crap strung far below.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
From out of the shadows upon midnight clear?

Who sprang over the sill and swiftly came in?,
But Py! With a sack on his back – and a grin.

He unwrapped my present – why, Py, you old sinner!
He’d bought me fresh Santa Claus home for my dinner.

So healthy and plump, with fake beard and red hat,
And I laughed when I saw him (and so did the Cat.)

We spoke not a word, but went straight to our work,
The three of us soon finished off that old jerk.

Py picked his teeth and the Cat cleaned its paws,
While I cleared away, and mopped up the lost Claus.

A simple night’s sleighing, but there’s something so sweet,
When consumerism means Christmas icons you eat.

‘Tis indulgence season – my appetite’s whet,
Now my gift to you is more warning than threat:


Dear friends, let me say – with wit (nay, with bite…)

Fuck Christmas- be wary.


I’m still hunting tonight





  1. What a wonderful present. Thank you, Jonathon.

  2. This need to be printed and framed and hung on my wall. LOL. I love it

  3. That was awesome Jonathon..I have to find a way to print Christmas story yet!

  4. BRILLIANT! As always.. I suppose I shouldn’t be shocked to hear that you ate Santa 0_0 😉

  5. Bravo, Mr. 8. Once again you bless us all with your keen ear for language, your eloquent style and your blithe zeal for brutal murder.

    Thank you for a most wonderful Christmas gift.

  6. How wonderfully un~festive!

  7. oh yeah!!!! i´m thrilled !!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: