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Dear Kane,

Thanks for the phonecall just now, man.   It’s been a while.

I gotta say – the more I try and figure out how the fuck human emotions work, the less I get it.   Sometimes I think I can read the whole “how someone’s ‘feeling'” thing, and then it turns out I was a bloody mile off.   Five hundred years, and it still makes no sense to me, for fuck’s sake.

Just now, when you were totally ripping into me with that torrent of vitriol for example… okay, the content and the string of colorful profanities flagged anger for me as a pretty good initial guess.   But – I dunno – it kinda seemed like there was a heap of other shit sewn in there somewhere as well?   Confusion, maybe?   Grief probably?   Self-doubt, incredulity? – some other sort of pain even?   Shit – it was interesting and all, but I couldn’t work it out.

See, if people could just feel one, clearly identifiable bloody emotion at a time, it would make everything a whole lot bloody easier.   As it is, you get given this crazy tangled skein of complex emotional crap that you have to try and unpick.   And you can be following a thread and think you’re unravelling only to find it ties into something else entirely, or is knotted up into a whole mess of other confusion, or it just pulls away – and you’re left with a handful of loose ends.

And the worst thing is, half the time there’s no pattern or purpose anyway – I don’t reckon even you had any idea what the hell you were feeling as you fucking tore into me just now, eager to tear strips, rend flesh, get under my skin, spill guts.

Not that I probably don’t deserve it, right?   I mean – I’ve behaved like a shitty friend, fucked off out of your life without a word, and didn’t even send a civil reply to your text the other day.

Okay, and yeah.   I got your girlfriend killed.   So I suppose it’s lucky you’ll never read this.

Because for all that verbal evisceration you just performed – you still called.   Which means there’s some frayed strand of an emotion there, that’s dangling the tattered remnant of a friendship, isn’t there?

Even if it did end in tears?   I mean – in tears.

Fuck it.   What would I know.

 

NEXT ENTRY…

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4 Comments

  1. Yes our kind is full of Emotions, right now I feel excited, curious, and happy just by reading this.

  2. I wonder what would happen if he DID read this

  3. Are you sure you only feel one emotion at a time? When you bite someone do you feel only ONE thing or is it a combo of hunger, sex, need, and some anger there somewhere?

    Just saying…

  4. Poor Kane.. I really feel sorry for him. I bet he’s all kinds of confused and hurt and now freakin’ about his missing girlfriend.. Pity he’ll never read the letter or see that you really do care when you pretend you don’t x


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