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The math goes like this.

Let’s be conservative here – say I eat once a week.   If everyone I bit became a vampire, that’s 52 vampies a year.   But of course, each of them would need snacks too.   So – exponential growth ensues.

In week 1 there would be me.   Week 2 there would be me and you.   Week 3: me, you, and a new offspring each.   Week 4 there’s 16, Week 5 we’re into triple figures.   Six weeks in and it’s I Am Legend and 28 Days Later (only a little late) come to unlife; the week after that we’d have consumed most major continents; and it wouldn’t even take two months for Daybreakers or Zombieland to be a lot less funny for all of us when you lot have become family instead of foodstuffs.

Now.   Seeing you’re not a vampire, you’ve figured out it probably doesn’t work like this.   As you know, we’re not into plurals.   And that’s partly because we’re rather more discerning than you when it comes to birth control: immortality makes carrying on the family name and reliving one’s youth a personal quest rather than a famiy saga.

However I’ve realized recently just how infectious I manage to be anyway – and if you’re not of my crowd exactly, some of you are certainly getting vampiric lately nonetheless.


I started writing here for my own amusement.  

Then a few random someones got addicted, and passed the bloody details onto a few unsuspecting victims.

Then they promptly got bitten with fandom too, and had a terrible urge to make some more fans in their likeness.

And those fans got hooked, and spread the vicious word, and the word had more offspring, and the contagion spread further and has become its own fucking pandemic…


So don’t play innocent with me.   I know you’ve got your own breed of pseudo-vampirism sharing my blood tales and good cheer, you scary little fuckers.   Insert your evil Transylvanian laugh here – this is all your fault.  

And it’s fucking brilliant.





  1. First time I laughed all day..You are Unbelievable!..But, what you say is true nontheless.

  2. I can trace it right back to you — I didn’t know this -existed- until you started following me on Twitter.

    Not complaining at all. This is the best thing I’ve read so far this year — and that’s even taking into account _Good Omens_.

  3. I agree.. Started reading your blog when you started following me on Twitter. I read your whole blog in two nights and have been hanging and addicted to your every word since. Damn you! In the nicest possible way, of course =)

  4. Personally i just like messing with you. 🙂

    • X3 If you think you’re messing with /him/, then you got played. Hard.

        • Blackredbluefire
        • Posted March 23, 2010 at 8:43 am
        • Permalink

        Gah it’s a joke. i enjoy his work. WOuld you people PLEASE stop kissing his ASS?


  5. Oh Yes. I have spread your virus far and wide on FB.. Loving it when i have Catholic School girls carrying your blog to class with them. MUAH Ha Ha..

  6. ~grin~ You weren’t supposed to tell.

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