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It was probably about 3am this morning that the Cat and I were both lying on our bellies on the floor, chins resting on our crossed paws or arms respectively, dark unwinking eyes staring each other down.

It was clearly up to me to begin.


The Cat blinked lazily, in passing acknowledgement of my existence.

“The one night I figure I’ve had enough grief in physics class and finally do some homework, I just nip out for a quick bite – and come home to this.”

We both look over in silence for a moment at my disembowelled exercise book that has served as both battleground and dinner plate for the Cat’s evening meal.

“Now, I’m certainly not squeamish, and I think we’ve established mi casa became su casa some fucking time ago – and I just still happen to be allowed to live in it…”

The Cat acquiesces graciously.

“But fuck – what the hell is Ms. Hellias gonna say when I hand in my report on the basic principles of quantum mechanics and it literally contains more biological matter than sub-atomic theory?   “The Cat ate on my homework” isn’t likely to cut it, and I’m pretty sure “blood-stained and torn to shit” are not high in the Marks for Presentation criteria, you know.”

The Cat puts back its ears in clear disdain for the current state of the education system in failing to appreciate life’s true aesthetics.

“Maybe I just take in you as my extra credit project, huh?   Donate you to science as the fucking solution to Schrodinger’s paradox, yeah?   Let them open you up and rip out all your innards in a bloody mess – you wouldn’t just appreciate how your dinner mouse felt, then; you’d also be empathizing with my poor fucked-up homework book, you little shit…”

The Cat lashes its tail – once, twice.  

Then it sits up, and – get this.   The furry little fucker yawns.

We contemplate each other for a moment.   Then I say:

“Yeah.   You’re right.   Homework fucking sucks anyway.   Wanna watch television?”

It is a conciliatory gesture that the Cat intimates I can choose the channel.





  1. Sounds familiar.

  2. Love this!

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