Skip navigation

Dear Mr B. Rix,

 

With regards to your recent unsolicited contributions to our popular blog “Musings of a High School Vampire”, we wish to offer some constructive criticism for your writing endeavors.

* Unfortunately we found your work to be highly derivative and abounding in unacknowledged references that demanded a high level of prior reading and inside knowledge from our readers.

* Science-based writings are unappealing to a general audience at the best of times, and yours is demonstrably flat and dull despite the content admittedly having some social relevance in the interests of general health and safety.

* Adjectives and commas are not optional.

* Listing as a narrative device is a particularly tired cliche, unless being reimagined in an unusually creative manner.

* Over-use of caplock is an irritating style option.   We appreciate your visual attempt to overpower the previous author on and off the page, intimidate your readership, and dominate the blog itself, but the impact was simply to suggest you had trouble moderating the volume of your voice.

We therefore do not regret to inform you your services are no longer required, and we’d wish you well for your writing career were we not anxious to see that you never write again.   Partly because we wouldn’t want any reader (or other victim) to have to suffer through your work again, but mostly because we plan on you being dead soon.

 

Sincerely,

Mr. J. Aight

(Editor-in-Chief  and Anti-Hero of Musings of a High School Vampire)

 

NEXT ENTRY…

 

Advertisements

11 Comments

  1. Although i am sure,Mr Rixwith his excelently would answer for himself , I can not NOT,to say my opinion abt it.
    1. High level of prior reading is impossible,couse of high level of bubblism in here ,not easy to get through in a shorter time than a year ,like also, high level of inside knowlidge must give way to the serious stupor and the headache coused by yours endeavors.

    • Lady.
      I’m bemused.
      Just fucking bemused.
      You keep posting these and I honestly can’t understand a bloody word you’re saying.
      Except for ‘bubblism’, which I’m adopting into my vocabulary forthwith.

  2. “but mostly because we plan on you being dead soon.”

    is it wrong that I am SO looking forward to this…..please make it slow….

    • It is wrong. But I join you wholeheartedly. 🙂

  3. ps. i was only joking:))
    i am stressing that, couse, if u would learn to read ,and than, u would read yours endeavors ,u would have got the idea ,i was,nt.

  4. Even the comments are entertaining!

  5. You make an evil grin spread across my face. Nothing like legalese to reinforce your bad-assness.
    Also, please define bubblism soon, so that I, too, can use it as often as possible while still using context and passable grammar. Thank you.

  6. Lovely entry, however, there’s an extra “you” in this part of this sentence,

    “… we’d wish you well for your writing career were we not anxious to see you that you never write again…”

    I know how much of a stickler you are for proper grammar et al.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: