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(It had probably been an age since you’d had such a fucking annoying table.   You would have liked to give them a serve, all right.   The tall dude in the suit who made you put the fucking wait in waiter while he changed his order six (count them) times.   The fidgetting kid who kept rocking his chair and whinging so loudly that three nearby couples asked to move tables.   The girl with blue hair who deliberately picked a hole in the table cloth with a fork (possibly to prevent her stabbing one of her relatives in the eye with it).   The periodically screaming baby, the figure of the old man at the head who watched the bill being paid with greedier eyes than the food had provoked.   And – ye gods.   Her.   Hera the horrible, Juno the devourer, who clearly ate hospitality staff for dinner, not  fillet mignon.   You’ll swear it was the little shit on the end (who’d been watching you with grim dark eyes all evening and just stirring his food around his plate) that then jogged your elbow so you spilt the whole fucking water jug all down the bitch’s designer dress: the subsequent torrential abuse made the flood of complaints and demands from earlier look like a trickle of piss.   When they left, the tide of terror seemed to have receded, the rest was returned to the aurant, and you were back in the flow of smooth servitude and the fountain of generous tips – until you finally popped out through the alley side door with the well-earned post-work drink to breathe the air of freedom… and promptly drowned hideously in your own blood, spilt beer, and the wells of black in some grim, dark eyes.)





  1. “…the rest was returned to the aurant”…Ha!. And the ending…wow! What a wonderfully cool, creepy flow of words. Really love this one.

  2. Restaurants: Hunting grounds for the modern vampire……

    So what is for dessert?

    I hope you took a little doggy-bag home for the Cat.

  3. Sounds like someone went to dinner with Harm’s family. After that nightmare, I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to kill someone. (Pity it had to be the waitress and not Harm’s elder sister…)

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