So. What to talk about today. How does one follow up recent events with pithy fucking chatter?
Let’s talk about the weather, eh? Who’s for some fun vampire trivia? Show of hands, please…
We don’t really feel cold. Or heat. And before you start, it’s not because of any kind of sexy, chilly, Twilight-esque bullshit, okay? I might be dead, but my circulatory system works just fucking fine, thanks. Any chills I give off are the actual scary sort, and not because I’m a spiky-haired, ‘vegetarian’ popsicle.
That means heightened senses, yeah – but not ‘sensitive’. Getting the difference? Functioning at physical perfection sure, but all the safety devices are turned off. I can run you down, throw you off, hear and see you coming a bloody mile away, and heal up faster than you can say “Fuck me, that was fast” – but you won’t hear me complaining about the unseasonably warm spell or the sudden cold snap.
Okay, yes – I’ll admit nocturnal means minor light-sensitivity. I don’t enjoy a fucking nice sunny day, if that’s what you’re asking. But you feel discomfort at heat and cold as an internal health and safety regulation, whereas I can’t get dehydrated, hyperthermia, hypothermia, feverish, or catch cold. Unlike you, I could live in a sauna or nap in a snowstorm – because it’s not like it’s gonna kill me.
Hence – I don’t shiver, pant or perspire either. Fucking ew. Like I say – safety gauges all turned off. When it comes down to it, I’m a hot-blooded cold bastard. No matter how the weather looks, or what bloody unnatural disasters pass through my ‘life’, I’m telling you – categorically…
I don’t feel a thing.
Musings of a High School Vampire 