Musings of a High School Vampire: Too Bad

It’s a been a productive first week at the new school.   And the principal Mrs Keech and I have been getting well-acquainted, in that I’ve been getting sent to her office a lot.   All the fucking time, to be honest.  

Shit – I’d totally forgotten how bloody fun being bad can be.

Best part is – no repercussions.   I mean – not really.   Because my ‘future’ doesn’t depend on my current actions, right? – I don’t need good grades to “get into college”, or “get a good job”, or “start the rest of my life”.   I can just start over.   And over.   And over.

In fact, new experiences are the only thing worth working for when you and Death aren’t on speaking terms.   Being bad is always a whole fucking plethora of new shit to try out, and the more creative your actions, the more unexpected the reactions, and the more new and exciting the results.   Amorality is part of the pleasure here too.   Your levels of ‘not giving a shit’ are directly proportionate to the amount of joy received from making trouble.   I imagine it’s much harder to wreck havoc (even the lesser kind without bloodshed), if you feel guilty after.   Or worry what might happen.   Or empathize with your victims.

See Rule #1 from my previous post.

 

So like I say – awesome first week.   I think I’ve really made an impression, boys and girls.   Here’s the current litany of small misdemeanours and miscreancies…

 

ONE math teacher told to go fuck himself because he looked like he really needed some action

TWO small fires in the chemistry lab (one of which spread some joy by burning up the class’ recently completed pop quiz)

THREE small geeks stuffed in lockers and/or bins

FOUR missing  items of reasonable value that I don’t know anything about

FIVE sports jocks in pain after I picked the fight

SIX class discussions disrupted by my asking, in the light of the current deplorable state of the world and humanity, why the subject matter even fucking mattered

SEVEN warnings for minor acts of violence (furniture tipped over, students tripped over, classes skipped over)

EIGHT visits to Mrs Keech when said warnings had to be upgraded to actions

NINE Twilight fans sent home in hysterics after I started the rumor Robert Pattinson had been run down by a busload of True Blood fans screaming, “Let’s see you sparkle now”

TEN minutes to restore pandemonium after I introduced a box of really large cockroaches from the alleyway outside my new apartment to my English class (I maintain it was educational.   We were meant to be studying Kafka at the time)

 

I’m wondering if suspension within the first fortnight could be some sort of record.   What?   Come on – the school counsellor did say it was important I started to develop some goals “in life”…

 

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