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Two windows open on my computer screen at the moment.

This one – and the online banking site.

See – when I called my bank today about my lost wallet, they cancelled my cards and said I’d better check my accounts.

Which I just did.

And guess what?


They’re at zero.   All of ’em.   


Now, we are talking bloody decades of saving here.    Sure, there have been setbacks – recent global recession, Wall Street doing a bibical Jericho thing in the 80s, the great depression (which wasn’t so great – hungry people meant slim pickings for me too), the French revolution (also not a good time to proclaim you were rich, and I didn’t want to eat cake either…) – but overall?   I was doing pretty fucking nicely, thanks very much.   Not gonna go around advertising the fact, of course, because wealthy teens get awkward levels of social and media attention – plus every last bleeding heart charity then suddenly wants to be your best friend, and I prefer hearts to go on bleeding (even if I do like to stop them beating)…

But come on, boys and girls – Jonathon has a lifestyle with which he likes to be accustomed, and he doesn’t actually have a fictional uncle called Theodore ‘Eddie’ Dearth to supply the finances, so naturally he’s got very good at taking care of himself.



Fucking hell.

Online banking.

Hand on the shoulder.

And what’s in a name…

Jonathon – you’re a fucking idiot.


And when I get hold of him, Dwayne is gonna be a fracking dead dead man.





  1. That thieving little geek!!!! Get him!!!

  2. I knew it!!

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